Happy New Year!!!

Is it possible you're even HALF as excited as I am about the amazing possibilities that lie ahead in 2010??

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not only possible ~ but very likely!!!!

Just a little over thirty days into a new way of life I'm headed to my first fill appointment on Monday. I'm headed to class on Tuesday night. I'm headed to Atlanta for a market show on Wednesday. As I flip the pages of the calendar I'm amazed how many dates are already noted with travel, appointments and occasions. In other words ~ this year is going to FLY by and I can't wait to see where I'll be on New Years Eve next year.

What's my big project for the year?

Completing grad school and walking across the stage to get my masters? Well yeah....

Learning to use my new band buddy as the most effective tool possible to get myself into the best physical shape of my adult life? Well yeah, that too........

And there are lots of auxiliary dreams and goals and ambitions related to both of those accomplishments.

But I have a bigger goal and it's really simple:

My goal for 2010 is to do one random act of kindness every day for a full year. I figure the only way to keep this goal is to write it down. So I've got a journal all set up next to my bed to keep track. The daily random act is a pretty big commitment, I'll admit. It's not that it is so difficult to do something randomly kind for someone every day. I try and just be nice to people all the time. But it's difficult to REMEMBER to do it and to keep track, to write it down. You know how it is.We just get so busy. That's what got me into big trouble with my weight ~ MINDLESS eating when I was bored or stressed or so busy that I skipped meals and then gorged myself later.

So that's it.

(At least) one random act of kindness per day.

Later on this year maybe I'll tell you what made me decide to do this. It's a bit of a story and I won't take time tonight. There are balloons to drop and horns to blow. For some of you anyway.....as for me and my 2009, it's about to come to an end just a wee bit before 11 PM.

Happy New Year everyone!!

God bless you, thank you for your inspiration and my best wishes to you

for bountiful blessings and amazing success in the year to come.

Honestly, I think it will be the BEST year ever. 

Love, Nessa

Christmas Eve alone

Christmas was nice. Very quiet, but very nice. This, in stark contrast to the years and years of bustling Christmases when I was growing up and when I was raising my kids. My father had five siblings so the holidays always meant a frenzy of cousins packed into my grandparents farm house. My three kids are grown now and not everyone could make it home this year. I divorced their Dad right after my youngest graduated high school and I'll admit those first couple of Christmases in a small apartment after years of commanding Mission Control of the busy family starship were quite different!! Didn't take long to learn though....change isn't bad.......it can be fun, it's challenging, sometimes it's exciting.....and sometimes it's just....different.

I spent Christmas Eve by myself. I had some favorite holiday DVD's stacked up, made some phone calls to friends and family, wrapped presents for the kids visit the next day and cooked up a storm. I was alone but not lonely ~ have my new band to keep me company and the 24th is my one-month BANDIVERSARY!!!!! So there was plenty of reason to celebrate!

My first fill is scheduled for January 5 and none too soon. I feel very little restriction and can eat just about anything. My big holiday victory: I had ONE frosted Christmas cookie. Total. I just focused on cooking and sending treats out and delivering them to other people and didn't touch them. Christmas Day I enjoyed one cookie with my kids. That's it!! That's one heck of a big victory for me. I LOVE frosted cookies and could easily eat an entire batch myself (and have, I am sure!)

The only loneliness I feel this weekend is loneliness for the lovely restriction I had from my band-buddy right after surgery. It's pretty much gone. I have been trying to only eat when hungry and I'm hungry all the time. I haven't lost a pound in the past 10 days. Kinda bummed about that but I spent the day reminding myself this is just the beginning, I'm just learning.

Small steps. They'll add up. Next Christmas my best gift will still be what I did for myself on November 24, 2009 when I walked into surgery and hopped up on that table.

Replacing Bad Habits with Better Habits

An important step in the process of lifestyle change for me has been to identify strategies for replacing my former companion and buddy ~ food ~ with alternatives that don't have calories.

Most of us know first hand that food is often a substitute, an inappropriate crutch, we've learned to rely on ~ and even enjoy ~ rather than address the real need that is gnawing away at us. Some of us are lonely, some of us are just bored. Others of us have more serious psychological wounds that we soothe with food.

I think for many of us, such as in my case, it's a combination of these things. Over a period of years beginning way back when we were children, we learned to use a food as the balm that soothes whatever ails us.

I was frightened or sad as a child: Grandma gave me a cookie.
I was disappointed in junior high: Mom took me out for pizza.
I was frazzled as a young mom: I baked for the children and tasted my way into size 24 jeans.
I was distraught when my son was in Iraq: I cooked and cooked and cooked. I ate and I ate and I ate.
I was lonely after my divorce: Somehow the hours of the quiet, lonely evening are easier when you have a big bowl of pasta in your lap.


So there you have it. A lifetime of nurturing a relationship, one of the longest relationships of my life. And it's not like I can banish my old friend from my life forever. I have to eat to stay alive so it's all about reconstructing the relationship into one that is healthy. We all face a similar challenge but we each have to meet it in ways that suit our lives and personalities.

Reframing my relationship with food means getting back to nurturing my creative side. I moved my paints into the living room where I spend most of my time. I created a list of projects I've wanted to tackle for a long time but never found time to start. I've accepted projects from friends and family.

This week my newly-banded, creative self has been dancing around the house with paintbrushes in hand, playing Santa's elf. My niece is a huge Twilight fan and all she wanted for Christmas this year was a pair of hand-painted Chuck Taylor's. I haven't read the books, haven't seen the movies. I checked them out online. Whoaaa!!!! Over $100 bucks!!!! Ahhh-hem!!!!!! So Auntie Nessie tackled the project. They're finished! I painted a hoodie for her too. I can't wait until she sees them on Christmas morning!!!



What a great time I've been having and do you know what????




When I'm painting I don't even think about food.

Oh the weather outside is frightful !!

After lunch yesterday I noticed the snow falling outside my office

windows was starting to pile up a bit in the woods.

Hmmm......maybe the weather guy was right when he said all sorts of

winter hell was about to break loose.

Noticing everyone in the building had headed out to their cars I left a bit early to find everyone scraping windshields. My car was under a thick blanket of snow already. Scraper and snow brush still in the garage at home, my sleeve and an old file folder worked pretty good since it was still pretty warm outside.....well, compared to how cold it's going to get tonight. It's going to be about 5. Yeah. Degrees. Brrrr baby, brrrrrrrrrr.




This morning it was pretty clear....snow has stopped but the winds are wicked and plans for the lunch on the patio will have to be postponed until ohhh, maybe late April??



Y'know, I really truly did intend to get the Christmas lights strung this next weekend. I believe it's going to be an un-lit Christmas at my place this year, neighbors will just have to enjoy the sparklies by looking in through my windows.


Perfect and deep for the traditional snow ice cream I used to make with the kids.


Considering all the online Christmas shopping I did this season, looks like the FedEx guy is going to get the opportunity to prove he really DOES deliver. I can't even open my front door. That drift is pushed right up against it and the wind just keeps piling it higher.



Meanwhile inside where it is nice and warm, the snow-day baking continues as the cinnamon roll dough is rising nicely! How about the snow-day EATING? How is THAT going?? Honestly, I love baking so I can take goodies to work and give treats as gifts. This year I just don't feel tempted or even have the inclination to taste. It's a new wrinkle. Normally I'm a taste-tester and I'd be face-deep into the goodies from the moment I first started to melt the butter and add the sugar. Haven't even licked the beaters.




This new lease on life I'm experiencing thanks to my band buddy is helping me in ways I honestly didn't expect. I feel great about how things are going. I don't feel a great deal of restriction now as the swelling from surgery has gone and I haven't had my first fill yet. But I DO feel physically different inside. I'm getting used to small meals. I'm getting used to eating slower. I don't drink any liquids with my meals and I have at least one protein shake a day.

It's working. I'm down another couple of pounds this week. And my room mate honestly.............


....could care less about any of it as long as he's got his blankie and a nice, soft spot on the couch right under the furnace vent.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!!

Getting into the Holiday Spirit

Couldn't resist posting, even though it's a blurry picture. Took a spin last night down through a part of town that is festively decorated for the season and had to pull out my camera and snap a few moving pictures. The colors are just so pretty. Better pictures to come and they'll look more seasonal because tonight.....snow!!!!

It was unseasonably warm last weekend. In the 60's. All my smarter neighbors put out their Christmas lights last weekend. No, I did not. I waited until today. Now the hours are ticking away. IF I want lovely, twinkly holiday lights to glisten under a blanket of snow in my shrubberies......I must get outside in the 20 degree morning and string them along.

I love snow.
LOVE SNOW!!!
I used to be a mail carrier, delivering mail and packages to over 500 families out in the country three times a week. My route was about 75 miles, half of which was gravel roads. Many, many snowy mornings it was just me and the deer and the foxes. I carried a little black book in my jeep.......farmers phone numbers.
Can't tell you how many times I've been nose-first and deep into a roadside ditch. I'd dial up the nearest farmer and they'd come pull me out with a tractor or pick-up. On the snowiest days I always carried little bags of homemade chocolate chip cookies with me. I knew before the end of the day I'd need to hand them out.......thank-you gifts to my farmer buddies for pulling me out of yet another snowy ditch.

These days I leave the snow challenges to heartier folks. Nice fellas show up at my front door to plow my drive, walks and streets before I leave for work in the morning. When I hear their tractors outside my windows at 4 or 5 AM I just smile and bury myself deeper in my quilts. I no longer pass bundles of letters and bills from my car into frozen mailboxes with cold, gloved fingers. I'm a sales rep at an art studio with 20-foot floor-to-ceiling windows that look out through the twisted trunks and sculpted branches of a forest of old oak trees. Deer bed down beneath their branches in the night. Mornings when I arrive before the sun comes up I stand inside, watching them awaken and paw at the crusted snow, looking for shoots of breakfast grass.It's pretty amazing.

Yeah, I love the snow.
And here it comes.